Being a nurse..

I am a nurse as my profession and there are days I ask my self why.. This past week was one of the most hardest weeks I have ever faced as a nurse. On Monday everything was going good until I got a new admission. He was a 69 year old man who had end stage of lung cancer and never smoked a day in his life but his wife has been smoking for 20+ years. He was a very nice fella. At around 10 pm he decides to get out of bed and he was suppose to be on bed rest, need less to say he got short of breath and almost died in my arms. The worse thing about this little man was that he reminded me so much of my father who passed away 9 years ago at age 65. His wife was so nice and was so worried about her husband, and in the back of her mind she was blaming this lung cancer issue on herself. Before I left my shift he passed on. I have never been held so tight in my life as the wife held me after her husband passed. I guess I just can't believe how fast a person can go. He found out that he had lung cancer in January and July he died, how quick is that? After this incident, I walk into the next room and the man next door had a heart attack in front of me and died. I could not do nothing for him because he was a DO NOT RESUSITATE status. I was so very upset after those two things happened, but I made it through the night. I just wished my two patients would have made it through the night as well, but I believe both of them are in a better place. How can these two people effect one person when they were only in my life for such a ltitle while. How can you get attached to people who you just met. How can you feel bad for people who deal with issues in their life that you don't deal with in yours. How can some people be selfish and other be so caring and giving. How can some do right, while others do wrong? How can love be sincere for some and others not so sincere, was it love or was it lust? Why do we look at the clock, and hope time goes faster why are we wishing our life away? Why do you suppose people dream? Why do people talk about others, is there any morals in our society? Why do you suppose I'm asking so many questions is it because I worked tonight and my brain is fried, or because I am just curious? Who knows why people think the way they do or do the things they do.. Why is peer pressure so important? I don't know do you??